13 Questions to ask a woman business owner at coffee
Yesterday, I was talking with my sister about networking. “I suck at it,” she said. “I feel awkward. I’d just rather recommend my friends to each other. I introduced Meg to a friend the other day because I knew they’d be a good fit.”
My sister, that is networking.
Networking isn’t one thing
We’ve been sold a lie by a system that wasn’t built by us or for us that networking happens only on golf courses, in suits, or with G&Ts in hand. That you shouldn’t ask for a business card because that shows vulnerability… or that you shouldn’t give yours too eagerly. That you shouldn’t talk politics. That you need to have optimized your LinkedIn or that your website has to be on point otherwise you’re not credible or relevant.
For what it’s worth, most of the deals I’ve won for my clients happened because I was the one to follow up multiple times. Before signing my clients sign an agreement with me, we have a clear conversation about politics and my beliefs, so that if we don’t align, they can self-select out and either of us won’t have any surprises later. I rarely post on Linkedin and have run a successful business for 4 years.
We’re supposed to believe that networking happens in one kind of way, which is inherently transactional and patriarchal. No thanks.
In reality, women have been networking differently and more effectively since the beginning of time. We’re always saying, “you should meet my friend!” The women I know are eager to create connections because we want to help each other and we hope others are also saying our names in conversations we’re not present in.
I love recommending my friends, not solely because they’re my friends, but because I’m friends with people who are really great at their jobs. They’re cool, interesting people. They are reliable and know what they’re talking about. I would want to hire them, if I were hiring. And besides, haven’t men been promoting their unqualified friends for centuries?
What we traditionally think is networking was defined by the patriarchy. What I’m trying to do is find matriarchies where I can.
I host a monthly coffee meetup for local women business owners in conjunction with a coworking space that prioritizes collaborations and community above 1:1 business deals. By far, the most loved part of the hour is when we pair up and answer interesting conversation prompts. I’ve nearly run out of them because we’ve cycled through them all multiple times. These questions are meant to spark conversations and realizations we usually don’t get the chance to have.
When I write these prompts, I want the group to feel these ways at the end of the session:
Like they answered interesting and challenging questions that they might not otherwise have the opportunity to answer
Like they had time to think deeply about their experience as women business owners at their core, rather than business owners smashed into a capitalist, patriarchal system that may or may not work for them
Understood and connected to other members who could become friends
Better able to understand other perspectives in the group, which is made up of women from all around the globe
Inspired or energized
This is our form of networking. Because if we have to build careers and businesses in a system that doesn’t benefit us, we’re at least going to make it work better for us.
Try asking these questions for more fulfilling networking
What do you wish you had more of?
What do you wish you had less of?
What makes you really proud?
What do you wish you could tell yourself a year ago?
How do you form relationships with other women who you admire?
What is most important to you right now?
What is least important to you right now?
What do you wish people knew about you?
What makes your approach to your work unique?
What do you know to be true about yourself?
What’s your favorite part of owning a business?
What do you admire about people who support you?
What question lights you up when people ask you about your work?
What do you want to have more of an opportunity to talk about?
